Denana
by izzyt91
Summary: dean and banana are totes in love... but they must overcome many obstacles to be together. Some of those obstacles being the fact that bananas are inanimate objects, but mostly it's just nicolas cage
1. Chapter 1

Sam and Dean were at the grocery store stocking up on pie. 2 years worth to be exact. On their way to the pastry section they passed the produce buckets. Dean nearly fainted (but in a manly way). The glistening golden dandelion unicorn colored fruit lay there, more seductive than Nicholas Cage's eyebrows, beckoning him with a force more powerful than his man siren.  
"Dean are you all right?!" shouted Sam.  
"um... yeah... i'm..."  
Dean got up and made his way to the banana bucket.  
Just then Nicholas Cage swooped in wearing a bunny suit.  
"I NEED THAT BANANA, IT'S THE KEY TO THE STATUE OF LIBERTY."  
He stole the banana and flew out the window on his hovercraft.  
Dean fell to the floor sobbing, and Sam, not knowing what to do now that he wasn't the one crying, called castiel.  
Cas flew in wearing rainbow overalls.  
"WTF are you wearing cas" said Sam while snapping his fingers in a Z formation.  
"Sorry, I was just at woodstock playing the xlylaphonz with mozart"  
"Dean's eyes are leaking"  
"wut"  
"idk i guess he has like feelingz or something"  
"this moment calls for my angel stick!" said cas triumphantly putting his hands on his hips.  
"ew cas, not here, please not here!" said Sam  
"What?" said Cas, pulling out his silvery wand that angels stab each other with.  
"oh, nvrmnd"  
Sam watched as cas went over to dean with his angel stick in his hand... just then he realised  
"Wait Cas! doesn't that thing make ppl ded?"  
"only angels... and some koala bears; mostly those indigenous to southern australia... but not humans"  
Cas poked dean with his stick and deans eyes drid right away.  
"I've got to get back now," said cas "simon and garfunkel are coming on soon."  
he pranced out the door in a whirl of sparkles and whipped cream. dean sat up.  
"OMG WE HAVE TO GET THAT BANANA BACK"  
"kay" said sam, and they leap frogged out to the impala.  
"where are we going" said the impala  
"TO THE STATUE OF LIBERTY" shouted dean  
the impalas jet engines ignited and they were off.  
about halfway to new york the impala asked why they were going to the statue of liberty.  
"it's to rescue my one true love" replied dean casually  
"wut"  
"wut"  
"wut"  
"wut"  
"wut"  
"wut"  
"wut"  
"wut"  
"wut"  
"wut"  
"wut"  
"i thought _i_ was your one true love" said the impala  
"well i've moved on" said dean with a tone even douchier than size 12 crocs.  
suddenly the impala stopped  
"OUT!" she yelled  
"what?" said sam and dean in unison  
the impala pushed her eject button and sam and dean went flying out, they flew so far that they ended up in the 60s and as they were nearing the ground they saw that they were going to crash right into simon and garfunkel! They crashed onto the stage in the middle of their set and suddenly they were standing in front of a gajillion hippies.

"wait" said sam "those aren't hippies, those are just tie dye sheep!"  
"well this wasn't what i was expecting woodstock to look like"  
"yeah" said castiel, emerging from the sheep "the history books changed it to sound less lame than a radical sheep convention"  
Everyone just sort of stood there staring at each other until simon and garfunkel were like  
"hey man, um... we were kind of in the middle of a song."  
"oh, sorry, we'll leave" said sam, blushing  
"wait!" said dean "why don't we join you"  
"ok" said simon and garfunkel shrugging  
So they all sang a song and afterwords simon and garfunkel were like  
"OMGF TAHT WAS SOOO GOOOD WE HAVE 2 START A BOYYY BAND!"  
And from that day on they were known as "Simon, Garfunkel, and the Winchesters"

They were super popular (especially among the sheep demographic). Sam wrote a hit song called "real men do cry" and then dean wrote a hit song after that called "sam is a pussy (real men don't cry)" then sam wrote a song called "it's not a crime to have feelings" and dean wrote a song called "i liked you better with no soul" and then sam wrote a song called "it's not easy being the younger" and then dean wrote a song called "you're fucking with me, right?"  
Soon after "you're fucking with me, right?" debewd as #1 on the music charts, simon and garfunkel decided that it was a bad idea for the winchesters to express themselves through music and also that they sang like miranda cosgrove, and it was really cramping their style. so they kicked the winchesters out of their band.


	2. Chapter 2

The Winchesters actually took the news really well; they didn't like expressing their feelings through music either; they'd much rather sit in the impala in an awkward, angsty silence. Plus, Dean had really been missing his banana.

While the Winchesters had been working on their music careers, the impala had realized that it was wrong of her to leave the Winchesters stranded in the sixties, so she came back to help them rescue Dean's one true love.

When they saw that the impala had come back for them Sam started to cry and then Dean slapped him and was like "OMG WTF SAM, we've talked about this; you can't just cry at every mildly emotional thing that happens." Sam grumbled and made his way to the impala.

Again they were on their way to the statue of liberty. The impala parked at the top of the flamey thing, and Dean was like "dude! how the fuck are we supposed to get out?!"  
"god! sorry!" said the impala  
"don't take Chuck's name in vain like that!" yelled dean  
"wut"  
"wut"  
"wut"  
"wut"  
"wut"  
"wut"  
"nothing" said dean  
the impala swooped down using it's big fluffy angel wings and wearing victorias secret lingerie.  
"thanks" said dean  
"yeah, wutever" said the impala.  
Dean got out his pocket jack hammer and started away at the door.  
"why do you have a jack hammer?" asked sam  
"what do you mean? i always have lafawnda with me... what kind of moron doesn't carry a jack hammer with them at all times!?"  
dean got inside and started grapel hooking up to the top  
"stay here and guard the impala and lafawnda" said dean to sam, handing him the jack hammer.  
Dean disappeared up into lady liberty's nether region.

Sam and Lafawnda stood outside the statue of liberteiouxz marinating in and awkward silence. then sam was like "so... what's it like being a jack hammer?" and the jack hammer was like "u kno..." and sam was like "not really... do you just like break walls and stuff"  
"omg typical!" exclaimed lafawnda  
"what do you mean by that?" asked sam  
"It's just obvious that you don't know anything about jackhammers "  
"that is SO RUDE" said Sam "I probably know more about jackhammers u do!"  
"I AM A JACKHAMMER" screamed lafawnda "WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY KNOW THAT I DON'T !?  
"I know," said Sam "that you are an inanimate object that talks ABC is made of metal, but I also know that every time I look into your eyes they remind me of crocs, not the puke inducing kind, but the cute kind; like the ones that babies wear. I also know that the first time I ever laid eyes on you I was antlers over heels in love. Your beautiful grey color is like that of a sparkly satan worshipping rhinoceros. and the way in which you jackhammer things is even more Badass than Nichols cage in ghost rider."

They sat there in silence for a moment until lafawnda was like  
"well that just happened."


	3. Chapter 3

**Sam, feeling more rejected than Miranda Cosgrove, naturally burst into tears.**

What sam didn't know was that lafawnda was super turned on by grown ass men that cry. She went over to Sam and tried to jackhammer his pants off.  
"stop" whispered Sam  
The jackhammer ignored him  
"Stop" he said louder  
Lafawnda paused  
"what" said Lafawnda, annoyed  
Sam held up his hand to show her his dora the explorer ring  
"i'm waiting til marriage"  
"fuck!" said lafawnda "ur such a jonas brother, i knew this was a mistake!"  
Sam got up, sniffling, and went over to wait by the impala while Lafawnda waited by the statue entrance.

Suddenly Dean came flying out of the statue  
"GO GO GO" he yelled at Sam.  
Sam jumped in the impala and started the engine. Dean somersaulted through the window and they sped off. When they were somewhere around Michigan sam asked "did you find her?" Dean reached into his jacket and pulled out the most radiantly beautiful piece of fruit anyone had ever seen.  
"I sure as sonovabitchin hell did"  
"what?"  
"sorry, i was just trying to sound more badass"  
"well you sounded stupid"  
"excuse me, at least i wasn't the one sitting on his ass while his brother fought nicholas cage and jackie chan"  
"hey! i was lookout! and you never told me jackie chan was there"  
"yeah, i guess they own a timeshare in florida and he came to help. speaking of lookout... where's lafawnda"  
"she was right by the statue entrance, i thought you grabbed her when you came out"  
"SON OF A BITCH"  
just then, dean received a text. He opened it; it was a picture of Lafawnda tied to a chair. He got another text, and when he opened it it said: I've got your precious jackhammer, so come and get her back (hammer)  
"that sick bastard! he didn't even have the decency to rhyme her name well!"  
his phone beeped again; If you want lafawnda bring the banana, meet me in Louisiana  
"wow, he really cannot rhyme" said sam

When they were somewhere around Utah (they both failed geography) Sam got a text; 尼古拉斯**·凯奇的恶棍，我可以帮你找到电钻。****  
"wtf" said sam "this shits in like chinese or something"  
"ignore it sam" said dean "it's probably just a notification from my Busty Asian Beauties online account, they send me those sometimes"  
sam just rolled his eyes, and kept trying to figure out how maps work. After a while Dean just decided to text the number that they were lost. A few minutes later he received this; You're so stupid, but I'll take pity, meet me in salt lake city (it's three miles to your east).  
"um... which way is east?" asked dean  
"Never Eat Soggy Waffles."  
"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! I EAT MY WAFFLES HOW I WANT."  
"no dean, it's just a saying to help you remember directions... i think east is through those woods"  
dean started driving east while mumbling something about pie. Sam's phone beeped: 他保持手持式凿岩机在地下室的一个塔科钟。****  
"OMG WHY WON'T THIS CHINESE PERSON STOP TEXTING ME!?" said sam, starting to tear up  
"why don't you try google translate to see what it says" said the banana groggily from the back seat.  
"BANANA YOU'RE UP!" cried dean (nick cage had chloroformed her)  
"yeah, and you guys are such dumbasses... like literally... i could not have chosen two worse people to save me"  
"jeez, you don't have to be so sassy" said sam "i'll go on google translate."  
a second later same was like "OH EM GEEEEEEEEEEE! Jackie Chan has been texting us this whole time!"  
"well, what does it say?" asked Dean  
"um... it's kind of hard to tell..." started sam  
"holy crap sam! if you don't tell me right now i'm gonna fucking summon lucifer on your ass"  
"ok ok, it says something about how he doesn't like nicholas cage... and that Lafawnda is... in the basement of a taco bell?"  
"Impala!" dean yelled, "Where's the nearest taco bell!?"  
"what do i look like?! a fucking gps... I WAS MADE IN THE 1800S!"  
"wait wut?"  
"wut?"  
"wut?"  
"wut?"  
"wut?"  
"wut?"  
"wut?"  
"nothing"  
"how the hell are we supposed to find her?!"  
"hey! why don't we ask keifer sutherland!"  
"what are you talking about?" asked dean  
"look!" said sam  
dean turned his head and sure enough, there was keifer sutherland hitchhiking with a baby. He pulled over  
"Hey Keifer! get in!"  
He got in, "Thanks guys, I just stole this baby from the president of the united states  
"um... ok... whatever... we need you help finding my jackhammer in the basement in a taco bell"  
"ok... just let me think... if we take into account the speed at which this car is going and multiply it by the number of buttons on sams shirt, that's 5,028 which is ¼ of the population of cambodia, which means that your car is from the 1800s and based on the number of branches on that tree we just passed... your jackhammer lafawnda should be in the basement of the Taco Bell at 67 Main street, 6 miles that way."**


	4. Chapter 4

Dean and Sam pulled up at the Taco Bell and ran inside. "Stay here and watch the banana" said Dean to Keifer Sutherland.  
"God u guyz, I don't need a babysitter!" pouted the banana  
Dean just rolled his eyes, grabbed his light saber, and ran inside.  
Sam walked up to the guy working at the counter  
"Hey Carl," said sam  
"um my names tom actually..." said the guy  
"apples and oranges... anyway, I was just wondering if you could let us know where the basement is?"  
"I'm not really supposed to tell that to people that aren't employees"  
"you know carl, i used to work at a burger king, and those were some of the most trying years of my life..."  
Sam went on to tell a sob story about his years in the fast food business.  
This compelled Dean to almost shoot himself in the mouth, except that  
A) he left his gun in the car and  
B) he remembered he had to save lafawnda, so  
C) instead he just sliced Carl's head off, and busted down the nearest door, which  
D) just so happened to be the door to the basement.

Dean started tip-toweing down the stairs  
"um dean..." said sam "you did just kill a guy and bust down this door... I mean... they've probably heard us by now"  
"shut up sam, nobody asked for your opinion!"  
When they reached the floor it was pitch black  
"sonovabitch! i can't see a fucking thing!"  
just then a light turned on to reveal Nicholas Cage lounging on an aligator, wearing nothing but a cheetah print thong.  
"pringle?" he asked, holding out the tube to sam and dean.  
"Where's lafawnda" dean growled  
"whoa whoa whoa, hold on there Fluttershy...why don't you sit down and have a drink first? let's see I have shirley temples, apple juice, lemonade... ooh! and I have some capri suns too!."  
"you're kidding me right?"  
"what? not a fan of capri suns?... I have a whole bottle of minute maid if u-"  
"SHUT UP AND TELL ME WHERE YOU'RE KEEPING THE JACK HAMMER!"

"Dean?" asked a strange voice  
"What!? Who said that!?" said dean, flailing around... the voice sounded familiar.  
"It's me" said Benny, stepping out from the shadows.  
"wut"  
"oh dean! thank chuck! it is you!"  
"slkfnvoasdilljfnsd Benny! wat are u doing here!?"  
"He's my assisstant," cut in nicholas cage "he's the one who sent all those badly rhyming texts"  
"Benny... how... could...you" choked out Sam.  
"OMG SAM JUST SHUT UP" yelled Dean; He shot him in the face to keep him quiet.  
"But... but... he... he... just... butchered... the english... language."  
He looked up and glared at Benny while clutching his face. "You're a disgrace to vampires everywhere."  
"Sam, go wait in the car" Dean said in his dad voice, Sam limped out of the taco bell, mumbling about puppies. Once Sam was gone, Dean turned to Benny.  
"I can't believe you're working for this asshole!"  
"He's making me Dean! He's holding... something of mine... hostage."  
"What Benny! What is so important that you would betray me like this?!  
"he has... my balls."  
"your what?"  
"my balls!"  
Benny gestured over to a corner of the room that had a glass case. Inside were two big, shiny bowling balls.  
"GOD DAMMIT BENNY, YOU BETRAYED ME AND WORKED FOR NICOLAS FUCKING CAGE FOR A COUPLE OF MOTHER FUCKING BOWLING BALLS?!"  
"um... they were my grandfathers..."  
"just... just give me a second"  
They all stood around awkwardly. Nicolas Cage was getting uncomfortable on his crocodile, so he left the room to put some clothes on.


	5. Chapter 5

Benny looked around the room "quick Dean! we've got to get out of here before he comes back!"  
"hold on a second! we still need to talk about your fudging poor life choices!"  
"okay, I swear on Miranda Cosgrove's failed singing career that we will, but can we leave first?"  
"fine fine fine... just take these keys and go out to the car, I'll be there in a seximeansec"  
"alright" Benny said in his pouty voice. He started out the door of the Taco Bell  
"Oh, and Benny?" Dean called after him  
Benny looked up expectantly "yeah?"  
Dean tossed him a bottle "If Sam is still crying just splash this on his face."  
Benny looked at the bottle "um... Dean... this is chloroform."  
"no duh sherlock... now get the fuck out before Cage comes back."  
Denny grabbed his balls and ran out.

Dean sat there in the dark

wiating

Nicolas Cage walked back in the room wearing a trench coat  
and nothing else.  
"my my my how the tables have turned"  
"shut up nick jonas where are the others? and why aren't you wearing anything?"  
"God! it's joe jonas, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER"  
"where are they" he repeated  
"first of all" dean said ignoring the question, "why are you wearing a trench coat?"  
"i dunno... I hear all the kids are doing it these days"  
"okay... but you're not wearing anything under it"  
"and..."  
"and... you're not supposed to just wear a trench coat... you have to wear a suit or something under it."  
"but that would be TOO EXPECTED" he cackled, all of a sudden there was a puff of smoke and suddenly insted of nic cage there was a cat in a trench coat.  
"wut wut wut r u doing" said dean  
"juuuuuust wait said the cat"  
"listen" said dean "i don't have time for this, I just came here to get my jackhammer back, not to play flasher houdini with you."  
"okay, okay, okay" said nicholas cage, swinging down from the ceiling. He turned to the cat "you can go home phil."  
the cat lit a cigarette "you still owe me the 3 grand" he said, sauntering out of the room  
"yeah, ok!" nic yelled after him "i'll get it to you by thursday!" the cat gave him the finger.

"Anyway... where were we," he said, turning back to dean. "oh right, you wanted your stupid jacksomethingorother back."  
"yeah" said dean, getting up and coming over to nicolas cage.  
they were standing so close that their noses were touching.  
"i've got a deal for you cage" he spit at him "we wrestle, naked, in this barbie swimming pool" he said, gesturing to it in the corner "if i win I get lafawnda, if you win... you can do whatever you want with her."  
"you've got a deal" nic cage whispered into dean's ear.  
dean shuddered... he was somehow totally turned on and disgusted at the same time; after all, cage's breath did smell like a raisin that had been sitting out in the sun for a bit too long.

They stood at each end of the _Barbie Tropical Vacation!_ pool staring into each others' eyes.  
"on your mark"  
"get set"  
"go"  
Nicholas Cage grabbed dean's hair, and sat on his face, punching him with his butt cheeks  
"left, right, left, right" he chanted as he flexed.  
Just then, Dean bit his ass  
"ow!" nicholas cage jumped up, and dean kicked him in the face. He fell back with a huge splash (well... a barbie sized huge splash... in actuality it was more of a squirt).

Dean loomed over nic cage holding a sledge hammer "I've goth yur nfoww" he slurred. As he was about to smash cage into a million pieces, phil walked back into the room because he had forgotten his briefcase. He saw what was happening to nicolas cage, and not wanting to lose his money, he whistled, and out of the dark emerged Jackie Chan.  
"yo chan!" yelled nic "where have u been this whole time?"  
"sorry man, i had to go pick up my dry cleaning, plus ash and brock needed a ride to the airport."  
(Jackie Chan really hated nicolas cage; he thought he was a real cole sprouse, but ever since his great grandparents died and left him their time share he had no other choice than to keep it and make friends with the neighbors, unless he wanted to bring dishonor on his family... which he didn't)  
Chan pushed Dean out of the way. "go man, I'll take care of him"  
Dean went and hid behind the aligator. After 10 minutes he peeked out of his hiding space.

There was Nicolas Cage standing on top of Jackie Chan, who had a spatula sticking out of his heart.  
He chuckled darkly (which, again, made dean all sexually confused and weirdly turned on).  
"I've finally got you valjean!"  
"wait, wut?"  
"wat"  
"wat"  
"wat"  
"wat"  
"wat"  
"wat"  
"I won our little deal, and now lafawnda is mine!" organs started playing and the phantom of the opera swooped down from the ceiling carrying lafawnda in one hand and a chainsaw in the other.  
"NOOOOOOOOO" dean screamed as he crumpled to the ground. through his sobs he could hear his one true love being torn to pieces.

then there was quiet

Dean looked up and everyone was gone. The room was empty except for a pile of ashes.  
"good... b... bye... la...f... fawn... fawnda" dean choked out, and solemnly left the taco bell.

He got in the impala and started driving. the car was quiet (mostly because keifer sutherland and the baby got picked up by a helicopter, sam was passed out from the chloroform, banana was taking a nap in the nest it had made out of braids in sam's hair, and benny was listening to a muse cd on his new walkman).

"you know what's really weird?" said dean, looking up.  
"huh?" benny replied, sliding off his headphones  
"that cat...it gave him the middle finger... but cats... they can't do that."


	6. Chapter 6

Sam woke up from his nap a few hours later  
"hey, where's lafawnda?"

"..."

"..."

"..."  
"she died"  
"shit!"  
"oh and so did jackie chan"  
"fuck"  
"she was murdered by the phantom of the opera"  
"seriously?!"  
"I know right?"  
"that's like the worst musical ever!"  
"well i don't know if i would say _worst_... I mean Chicago's pretty bad"  
You're kidding right?"  
"What!? it doesn't even have a plot and the songs are tacky"  
"tacky? TACKY?! you have _seen_ phantom of the opera haven't you?"  
"OMIGOD YOU GUYS ARE SO GAY" banana interrupted  
"god sorry"  
"so where are we off to next"  
"dunno sammy... i was kind of hoping something weird would have jumped out at us by now... but it just feels kind of like season 1 so far..."  
"i have been feeling oddly heterosexual" benny chimed in

They stopped at a burger joint in the woods of alaska and were looking thru the menu when dean realized it was a vegan restaurant  
"shit man i ain't eatin any of this rabbit food crap. come on let's go"  
They walked back outside and were about to hit the road when sam noticed there was something missing.  
"hey, does something seem off to you?"  
"yeah... i noticed something too" said dean  
"you have got. to. be. kidding. me." said the banana  
"what?"  
"do i really have to fucking point it out to you"  
everyone just kind of stood around and looked at each other  
"THE IMPALA IS GONE"

"hey sarah"  
"it's paula"  
"ok peggy, listen, did you see anyone get into an impala and drive away"  
"um... well..."  
"spit it out colin firth"  
"there was this hipster kid kind of looking at it... but that was all i saw"  
dean slammed his fist down on the counter. sam pushed him aside  
"sorry m'am interogating alaskan waitresses isn't really my friend's forte"  
"um yeah I can see that."  
"so are you sure you didn't see anything else?"  
"yeah"  
"how about any suspicious activity in general"  
"well there was a pack of bears in here earlier."  
"bears...like wild bears?"  
"no like _bears_."  
"oh...interesting...well I'm just going to go consult my partner..."

"hey Dean I don't think we're gonna find anything here."  
"wait,I think the guy I'm talking to might know something."  
"yeah" said a voice that was coming from behind dean "that hipster kid totally stole your car."  
Dean stepped aside to reveal a ginger midget who looked kind of like jabba the Hutt  
"holy shit!"  
"wow racist" said the banana  
"sorry"  
"so" continued dean "can u tell us anything else about this guy."  
"well his pants were too short and he was wearing one of those gay english teacher jackets"  
"you mean tweed?"  
"sure whatever."  
"is that all?"  
"well he had a lot of zits and an annoying face but that's all i remember i swear on the grave of my grandma's cat tootsie."  
"alright thanckz"

"so what's are game plan" sam said staring into dean's eyes  
dean raised his eyebrows slightly  
"well first i think we need to find a means of transportation"  
"HEY CAS WHERE THE FUCK R U"  
"oh god" benny rolled his eyes  
"it sounds like cas and these two yahoos are in an abusive relationship"  
"don't i know it"  
benny and the banana clinked glasses and both took a shot of whiskey

"what do you guys want, i was in the middle of having sex with edward cullen"  
"what"  
"what"  
"what"  
"what"  
"we just wanted to know if you could give us a lfit?  
cas sighed "where to?"  
"i dunno... where do nerds gather"  
"there parents basements?"  
"well then... TO A NERD'S BASEMENT!"


	7. Chapter 7

They drove all around Switzerland but found nothing. Finally Cas was like"I might have a better idea"

"I wish you would have fucking told us that before we bought a submarine to break into Swedish houses"

"wait when did we buy a submarine?"

"what"

"what"

"what"

"what"

"what"

"anyway," said Cas "Thomas Edison put a tracking device on her in 5089"

"who is Thomas Edison?"

"just a friend of mine"

"okay, well how do we track it then?"

"we need to find a gay pterodactyl"

"um Cas... No offense but this plan seems to involve a lot of time travel and the last time I checked we weren't on doctor fucking who" dean said in the calmest voice he could muster up, which sounded a lot like an angry grizzly bear

"actually, that offended me"

Dean slowly chewed on his twizler

"I was on doctor who for 3 seasons"

"Actually dean" sam cut in "i know someone who has a gay pet pterodactly"

"please don't say-"

"nicholas cage"

"aaahhh we meet again"

"where the hell are we?" asked dean

"this is kangaroo jack's house" cut in sam

"did i fucking ask you?"

sam curled into the fetal position and started to cry

"will someone please get him out of here?"

nicolas cage snapped his fingers and the teenage mutant ninja turtles came out and dragged sam off to the bouncy house that was in the backyard

"so what, no aligator this time, no creepy taco bell basement?" dean said looking around the aboriginal hut full of sunlight and stoned kangaroos

"I thought I'd try a lighter approach this time" answered cage "afterall, i hear you're in need of my help"

"why the change of heart?"

"i like to be unpredictable... like my hairline"

"yeah sorry to break ur bubble, but there's nothing unpredictable about your receding hairline..."

"OR IS THERE"

suddenly his hairline started moving down his head down, down down down onto his face then it crawled across the floor and onto deans face and started suffocating him.

"this doesn't even make any sense" said dean muffled and confused "how is it even still attached to your head?"

"well it is my hairline... what did you think i was wearing a wig?"

"kind... of" dean chocked out. His face was turning purple, but he refused to admit he was in pain

"i must say that unfortunately me and grandpa trump have very different views on hair."

dean tried to say "wat" but he passed out

When he woke up he saw nic cage fanning him with a fan made of solid gold

"wut is that?"

"i told you me and old man trump don't have teh same views when it comes to hair... we do, however, have similar FASHION SENSE"

he stood up and twirled around to show dean what he waas wearing

"he bought me this multicolored coat because i'm his favorite son :D"

"ifffff u sart sinnnging i swer tu gaad" said dean (he was still kinda groggy)

cage just rolled his eyes, and took off the kimono to reaveal a three piece powder blue suit underneath

"anyway... you never told me what you came here for"

dean tried to sit up, but he fell off the bed and onto the floor. With his face squished against the tiles he said "we need a gay pterodaclakyu"

"i see.." said nic "and waht do i get in return?"

"um idk... u can take sam- he's noting but a pain in the ass and it's spring so he keeps shedding all over the impala's seats"

"what woudl i want with a big soggy moose?"

"yeah.. good point. what did u have in mind?"

"well even tho trump is my #1 daddy... he's also like the worst ever. he does nothing but drink martinis all day and tell me super weird stories about his secret colony of morman wives"

"MARTINIS?! THOSE DRINSK ARE 4 GIRLZZZ!"

"would u mind taking him off my hands for a few days?"

"uh yeah i guesss sure"

"papa trump!Get yorich azz out here!"

Trump stumbled out of a nearby room, pink martini in hand.

"You're coming with us trump" dean said grabbing him by the arm and leading him out to the impala.

Nic Cage whent into the secret underground lair to get the pterodactyl.

"This is brian. bryan, dean, deen, brian."

Dean look up at the 8 foot tall sparkly dinosaur with hair like david bowie and a voice like cher. A smile crept along his lips. He coudl tell that he and the petersdoadyl would get along juuuuuust fine.

"nice to meet you" he said, winking.

"Oh HOney" the psgteredoacly replied "the pleasure is all mine"

Soon they were on the road again.

But they had to double back because they forgot sam in the bouncy house.

And now they were really on the road again.

Dean and Sam in the front, cas, bennny, banana and trump all squished in the back, and brian in one of those trailer things for horses attached to the impala.

They were on the way to Thomas Edison's house when Trump started commenting on the seats

"what kind of leather is this"

"i don't fucking know"

"well i hope you don't mind my saying, dean, but i really think you could class this place up"

"you mean the impala"

"yes, i really think i could do wonders with this place. I think we should start by revamping these seats; i know a guy who could hook you up with some really quality leather. Then I think the wheels need a revamping; how do you feel about solid gold rims? and I think that the radio-"

"hold up martha stewart, nobody makes any changes to the impala except me"

"but what about a state of the art sterio system?"

"FUck no, and i DON't want to hear another word about it"

they drove in silence for a while

"but haven't you ever thought about bullet proo-"  
"thAT'S IT, GET OUT!"

"what?"

"I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT, BENNY?"

benny grabbed trump by the collar, and chucked him out the window. He rolled off the side of the road and into a stream heading towards canada

"welp... i guess it's a good thing murder's legal in canadada"


End file.
